Flag football season comes to an end

Saturday morning marked the end of the 2008 Richfield Flag Football League season. Team Hypothermia (we were actually the Blue team, but the coaches decided to 'fancy it up' a bit) may have been out-gunned by teams that were two or three years older than us, but it didn't dampen our resolve. This was Nicolas' first year playing football. Technically he wasn't old enough -- flag football is for kindergarten through 2nd grade -- but I lied about his age and volunteered to help coach. In their season-ending contest, McLovin (aka Little Man) rushed for a pair of scores. The more dramatic one, a long run in which everyone on the other team missed grabbing his flags, came in the first half. My wonderful bride, who was responsible for videotaping the game as I coached, was tardy as per usual and missed videotaping the run. In the second half I took time off from my defensive coordinator duties to shoot some film, including the man's second score of the game.

What do you mean, who would? Who WOULDN'T?!

Excerpted from "The Smoking Gun" SEPTEMBER 12--A quartet of boys attending a high school football camp were assaulted last month by broomstick-wielding teammates in a violent hazing ritual that could lead to charges against the assailants and the New Mexico squad's coaches. According to police interviews, the attacks were targeted against freshman and sophomore members of the Robertson High School team, which spent four days last month at a pre-season camp in San Miguel County. During the attacks, each of the younger athletes was pinned to the floor of a cabin and had a broomstick jammed over their shorts into their anus, according to reports prepared by New Mexico State Police investigators. As seen in the below excerpts, one victim said his attackers "poked him in the butt four times," and "forced in" the broomstick on the last attempt. The boy said he "cried when they did it, because it hurt." Another player said he could "feel the broom inside him" and that he was warned during the attack to "take it now" or he would "get it worse later." A third victim recalled that after he was assaulted, he was patted on the back by an assailant and told, "Way to take it like a man." In addition to considering charges against several teenage attackers, police are examining whether the football team's coaches, all of whom resigned this week, ignored or failed to properly report the attacks. One boy said that, during his attack, a coach walked into the cabin and "smirked" at the attackers and "said something sarcastic" before leaving. Another victim said that during a football practice session a second coach warned linemen that if they did not run full speed, "he would make them hop on their broom sticks." Coach Raymond Woods told police that when he first learned of the hazing, he addressed his squad and asked, "What kind of guy wants to try to stick a broom stick towards another guy's butt?"

I wonder what the cops run a 40-time in?

It's damn near Christmas around here. I'm talking about football season -- specifically college football season. Yes, the NFL garners more attention, but I'll be honest: I get too worked up over how my favorite professional squad does on a week-to-week basis and sometimes can't enjoy the trees through the forest. Is that a mixed metaphor?

Anyway, the real fun happens on Saturday when the -- er, -- amateur athletes step onto the gridiron. Being a Gopher fan hasn't been that special the past couple seasons but we have reason for optimism with a young squad and an amazing stadium ready for unveiling next season. The Kapocius family took in the opener against the hated rival Northern Illinois and watched Ski-U-Mah escape with a 31-27 win. The game unfortunately wasn't settled until the last play of the game. Despite that, the tailgating was fun.

Many people here in the Twin Cities have made the statement that the Gophers will never succeed in football because all of the barriers they face: Lack of supreme focus on football, academics, a location far from high school football hotbeds (read Florida and SEC country). One thing that could really keep our ship sunk however, is the media in this frost-bitten town. Take this, for example: A week before the season started the Strib came out with a story about how the Goph's prime recruit had his ACT flagged for inconsistencies. What this probably means is that he didn't take the test himself. My thoughts: Who cares?!

I don't care if we have smart kids represent us. It's not about them. It's about the alumni in the parking lots drinking beer and playing bean bag toss (or 'the cornhole game' if you're from Wisconsin). It's about enjoying the scenery of co-eds and fall afternoons. It's about perceptions and not reality. The days are over when athletes came to institutions for academics. I could care less if a stud linebacker is making it to his Biology lab, or whether he's smoking chronic in his dorm. It's all about how he performs on Saturday. Granted, I'm not looking for him to create undue mayhem in Dinkytown during the rest of the week, but as long as it falls under the umbrella of "college kids will be college kids" I'm OK with it. I leave you with my favorite football quote ever, and helps to sum up my point. This came from a newspaper out East, covering a Virginia football win. I don't know if I'd want this kid watching my kids -- or managing my finances, but he seems to have an ability to return punts. Good for him -- and us.

Be careful what you YouTube

Court says police illegally taped nursing home sex

By RYAN J. FOLEY Associated Press Writer

Article Last Updated: 09/11/2008 12:30:05 PM CDT

MADISON, Wis.—Police illegally videotaped a Wisconsin man having sex with his wife while she was in a coma in her nursing home room, an appeals court ruled Thursday.

David W. Johnson, 59, had an expectation to privacy when he visited his wife at Divine Savior Nursing Home in Portage, the District 4 Court of Appeals ruled. Therefore, police violated his Fourth Amendment rights against unreasonable searches when they installed a hidden video camera in the room, the court said.

"We are satisfied that Johnson's expectation of privacy while visiting his wife in her nursing home room is one that society would recognize as reasonable," a unanimous three-judge panel wrote.

The ruling means prosecutors cannot introduce the video tapes as evidence in their case against Johnson, who is charged with felony sexual assault for having intercourse with his wife without her consent at least three times in 2005.

Johnson's wife, Leah, was admitted to the nursing home after suffering a stroke, unable to speak or sit up. Nursing home staff members fed, cleaned and turned her, checking on her at least every two hours. Prosecutors say she was comatose.

Johnson's attorney Christopher Kelly said his client would visit the woman he married in 1988 every day, reading her the Bible and moving her arms and legs so her muscles wouldn't atrophy. The woman's sister, who is now her legal guardian, is upset that prosecutors brought charges against him, Kelly said.

"She believes her sister's husband was merely expressing his love for his wife and was trying everything he could to bring her back to consciousness," Kelly said.

I heard you can lose some weight this way

CHICAGO -- A man who contends he got a 9-foot tapeworm after eating undercooked fish has sued a Chicago restaurant.

In the lawsuit filed Monday, Anthony Franz said he ordered salmon salad for lunch from Shaw's Crab House in 2006 and fell violently ill. He later passed the giant parasite, which a pathologist determined came from undercooked fish, such as salmon.

Franz's lawsuit seeks $100,000 from Shaw's and its parent company, Lettuce Entertain You Enterprises, contending the restaurant's staff was negligent in serving him improperly cooked fish.

Sigmund the Sea Monster

One of the most popular links on the CNN website last week was a story about a supposed "sea monster" which turned up on the shores of the Hampton's. I can just imagine Nancy North Shore poking this thing with a stick for an hour or so after her dog Muffy started chewing on it. I love that it has a beak AND a tuft of hair on its neck. My guess: a sea turtle without its shell. Thoughts? Discuss amongst yourselves...

The Voice of Reason

This has been the spring/summer where the term 'unretired' has come into our lexicon. The person who has improved our collective word bank is our beloved southern good-ol boy: Brett Favre. After his tearful departure in March, Packer Nation went through the process of grieving and moving on.

Starting a few weeks later, Favre decided half-heartedly, then wholeheartedly that he wanted to play football again. When it became apparent that the Packers' brain trust had seriously moved on with their plans to give 2005 first-round pick Aaron Rodgers a legitimate chance to see his skills before he left for free agency (his contract is up in 2009), Favre decided that he wanted to head to Minneapolis where he could play in the relative comfort of the Metrodome and play with his longtime golf buddy Ryan Longwell. When Packers' management said that wouldn't fly, Favre became petulant and started calling everyone out. He leaked private conversations, called out GM Ted Thompson for not hiring his buddy Mariucci, and not trading for malcontent Randy Moss. His interview with Greta VanSustern was a train wreck to watch. As my friend Kevin, a recovering alcoholic for the past 17 years simply said: "He's acting like an addict." Which, of course, makes sense.

Sense is what we've been seeking for the past several weeks. We were in Green Bay this week for our annual Lambeau Family Night with the kids and the scene was surreal. While the team was getting ready to take the field Sunday night, the monitors around the stadium were giving an O.J-esque blow-by-blow of Favre's plane landing and his getaway in an SUV. During the scrimmage, a camera panned the Favre-family suite and Deanna was displayed. Her quarterback husband, while not in the picture was somewhere in the suite out of camera eye. The whole thing made no sense to me, much less my 4-y-o, who asked me last week 'What is a diva'? He's been watching too much of the news.

Through this all, I've been waiting for Professor Bob McGinn to chime in on the situation. McGinn, for those who don't know, is one of the preeminent pro football writers in the country. The fact that he works for the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel, and that he covers the Packers makes him a state treasure that rivals Summerfest and the Madelaine Islands. If you haven't had the pleasure of reading McGinn's work, let me give you a rundown. His network of contacts throughout the NFL is astounding. He out-works everyone else in his field and his insights are spot-on. His detail is amazing and I would gladly pay him personally in order to read his daily stories during the football season.

In a column penned today, McGinn came out and said that the Packers made the right decision in moving on without No. 4. Here were some of the highlights:

Regarding the organization's perspective --

"From a purely football perspective, the organizational shift against Favre began that November night in Dallas, gained steam in the arctic cold of Soldier Field and became a blaze during Favre's pathetic second-half showing against the New York Giants with a Super Bowl there for the taking.

Just about everyone who counted in the football department reached the conclusion that Favre could never win another championship. His dismal playoff record in the past decade couldn't be overlooked. And the Packers concluded that it would be the mother of all mistakes if Aaron Rodgers got away without being properly evaluated as a starter..."

And this --

"Once Favre tearfully retired, the die was cast. The singular comment made by Favre on March 6 that remains etched indelibly was his admission that he really didn't want the ball in the clutch anymore.

After that, the Packers cut the cord, and rightly so. Favre had come across to most as an emotionally spent 38-year-old with nothing left athletically that he cared to give."


And finally --

"The Packers blame themselves for making some communication gaffes along the way, which they did. They gave away their motives by announcing plans far too early to retire Favre's jersey and to send him his locker. Ted Thompson hid behind too many no-comments.

But when the endgame is to remove a legend, there is no smooth way of doing it.

Favre went on to risk his future as a heroic figure in the state for perpetuity by his actions last month. All but calling Thompson a liar. Revealing intimate details of conversations with Thompson and McCarthy. Selling out offensive line coach James Campen after he went out of his way to help his old pal.

During one interview, Favre criticized Thompson for not interviewing his buddy, Steve Mariucci, for the job that went to McCarthy. After the horrendous job that Mariucci did in Detroit, Thompson would have been roasted for even considering Mariucci, let alone hiring him.

Those were just a few examples of Favre operating almost in a delusional state, hearing only what he wanted to hear and acting as if he was larger than the team."

I couldn't add anything more than that. Favre is probably the most exciting quarterback ever to play the position and his style and exuberance made easy to relate to and cherish. In the end though, no player is bigger than the franchise and the Packers have one 11 NFL Championships without him. We'll see how long it takes to win No. 13.