Here in Minnesota, we don't get as many celebrity sightings as our friends in Los Angeles. That said, the few that we have are usually related to some indecent crime -- read Larry Craig. Well, it appears that we had another one this week. In our fine little hamlet of Mankato, home of the University of Minnesota-Mankato, a man approached a couple of young co-eds with an interesting proposition. Apparently posing as a professional CMT, he offered his services to the young women, both of whom were sunbathing near their off-campus housing. While neither took the man up on his offer, he was able to unknowingly follow one of the girls back into her apartment (where she was retrieving a drink for him). Once inside he was able to cop a feel on the girl before her yelling and protests drove him off. Normally a creepy story story like this would elicit a mere -- hmmph -- from me. It was the culprit's physical description that struck me:
“Police say they are looking for a white man, 30 to 35 years old, 5 feet 10 to 6 feet 2 inches tall, weighing 250 to 300 pounds. He has short sandy-brown brown hair.
The suspect also has several distinguishing characteristics: a large stomach, hairy upper body, a large head, a larger than normal nose and a high forehead. His voice was described as high-pitched. He also had a pimple or sore that was red and possibly irritated above the right side of his mouth. During one incident, he had no shirt on, was wearing shorts and was barefooted.” (Star-Tribune, A-1, June 7, 2008)
"Yes," you're saying to yourself. "He's handsome alright, but he's no celebrity Tom, is he?"
Well, I can't confirm this, but at the same time that this was taking place, suspected 911 terrorist Khalid Sheikh Mohammed was being taken out of his military prison cell (and a break from incessant water-boarding) for a trial. You may have heard of the case. He, perhaps inaccurately, assumed that by becoming a martyr in your cause -- in this case, killing as many Americans as possible -- that you'd get 70 virgins when you reached heaven.
My theory is that Mohammed took a break from his "destroy the infidels" efforts to visit Minnesota during our two-week summer and made his way to Mankato in an effort to score with some local beauties. But in his effort to fool the Mankato gals into thinking he was legitimately a masseuse and end up scoring with a virgin, he was sadly mistaken. As anyone whose been to the University of Minnesota-Mankato knows: There hasn't been one of those on campus in several decades.
In case you've forgotten what Khalid looks like, I've posted a picture at the top. Good luck with your own professional endeavors.
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